SZA says she pretends to be Frank Ocean, Future, other people when making music in the studio

Kendrick Lamar admires and respects SZA‘s “ability to fully express” herself in music, but it’s not always easy for her to be honest and open. Speaking to Kendrick for his Harper’s Bazaar cover story, she said she actually has a song in the vault that she refused to release.

“I wrote a song last summer that was too honest, and I couldn’t put it out,” she said. “I just be telling on myself so crazy and I can’t stop. It’s like I have to tell on myself so I’m not bored. Because otherwise, I’m just like, what’s the point?”

Though the songwriting process “hurts too much sometimes,” SZA says she found a way to get it done. “I tap in and pretend to be other people. That’s why I’m pretending to be you or pretending to be Frank [Ocean] or pretending to be Future, because it’s easy. It’s easier to be me through their eyes than it is to sit with some of the really harsh things that I say about myself to myself,” SZA explained. “I guess I want to say nicer things about myself. So I’m like, I guess I shouldn’t look through my eyes. I should look through somebody else’s.”

She credited Kendrick’s Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers for showing her she’s “not digging [deep enough in my art]. I’m running from so many things.”

“Now I’m in my bag, I’m like, ‘Okay, I’m codependent. I’m a people pleaser. I’m afraid of all these things. I’m so f****** selfish.’ All these things I tell myself because I have to, to strip the ego from the bottom,” she said. “I have to because I’m bored to death with this iteration of myself.”